Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
