it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
