Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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