I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
