Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
