I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
