I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
