This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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