If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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