The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have fence marks all over my body
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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