the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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