sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
