so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
