that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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