Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
