Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
