Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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