I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
