That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
