I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
