It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
