you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
