What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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