sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
