We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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