My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Randomize
