He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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