Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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