Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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