so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
