The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
