i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
