woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
