We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
