You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
