Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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