ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
