I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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