I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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