dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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