Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
