Nicole vs. Life
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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