I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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