whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
