dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
we're so committed to being not committed
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
