my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
