I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
