I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
