I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
