Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
