just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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