I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
