Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
